Citrus Girl

I know the way these things begin. I don't know why I want to say they begin with a spritz of Obsession, or the ninth spritz of Obsession of the day. Imagine what that must do to a body? Imagine what it must've made him want to do to me. Peel me like an orange. Pull my armor off and just bury his mouth in what lived below. But what about me? What about the citrus girl who had to move through that world with her skin removed? Imagine spritzing perfume with an alcoholic base onto that? When I wasn't dissolving into black rooms with you, that's what it felt like. Every time I couldn't keep up with a conversation, every time I didn't fit into Kenn's world, every time your students knew more about the state of your health and whereabouts than I did. I picture myself at seventeen, practicing patterns in the middle of the ballroom because I wanted someone to see me, be proud of me, love me for the young but striving version of a person I was. But no. It was always just alcoholic smears across open skin by men who only wanted to fuck me, and a sly twinkle in your eye when our eyes would meet across the ballroom. You knew I loved you in my innocent way. You knew I was drowning in your death. I know you knew. I could tell in what lived in our gazes whenever we had a moment, which we so rarely did. Which I would have killed for more of, but you so seldom took. Not that I'm mad at you. You were dying. I don't blame you, but I think because of you, I ruined my own life.

🎧 Bring This Prompt into Your Own Body

The essay you just read began as a prompt inside the Body Writers Circle. We take our prompts from song lyrics and write whatever our bodies want to say. If your own body feels full or unsafe to exist in today, I invite you to try this gentle Body Writing™ practice:

Set the Mood: 

Get cozy, plug in headphones and sink into this week's featured song on Spotify.

Listen:

Close your eyes. Don't worry about the lyrics or what they mean intellectually. Just notice how the rhythm, melody and vibe affect your body. What do you feel opening up and coming forward?

Write:

Open your journal and write the opening lyric (I know the way these things begin.) at the top of your page. Don't try to match my writing; just notice: what does it bring up for you? What does it make your body want to say? Write for three pages – without editing, censoring yourself or trying to make your writing "good."

Why Journaling Alone Is Only the First Step

While practicing this alone can bring beautiful moments of connection and relief, trying to navigate your deepest, most intense stories alone is a big ask for a sensitive nervous system. When you're the only one holding the pen and the space, your inner critic takes charge easily, causing you to freeze up or pull back before finding the deeper medicine.

True somatic resolution requires co-regulation.

Which is why doing this work inside an ultra-intimate, zero-critique group of just 5 to 6 women changes everything. In the Body Writers Circle, you don't carry emotional weight by yourself. The shared presence of our tiny, trusted community holds space for you – allowing you to feel safe venturing into the depths your body needs without freezing or flooding.

If you feel a quiet, resonant yes to this, you belong with us. 

A new, founding member circle is opening soon. (June 2026)

Add your name to the waitlist here, for first access to a space. 💗